Danny and the Munchkins of Doom
by Barnabus Peach
Summary: Humourous allegory of a beloved Bible story.


**Danny and the Munchkins of Doom**

**Barnabus Peach**

Danny was a great guy. He loved to jump rope. It filled him with joy unbelievable.

Danny lived in the mighty empire of the Whatsawhosits. The Whatsawhosits were a great and powerful people, but none of them really believed in jump roping. They thought it was a waste of time. Even so, Danny jumped rope. It made him happy, and it kept him healthy.

Danny became a chief advisor to the Whatsawhosits king, Nikenbacher. King Nikenbacher often had strange dreams that only Danny and his jump rope could explain.

In one such dream, King Nikenbacher was standing in a field of lollipops, and it was raining spinach leaves and jelly beans. In the dream, he ate a jelly bean, and he bent over and died. Danny used his jump rope to explain that eating too many jelly beans would make you sick. If the King had eaten the spinach, he would have been fine.

Since Danny was so wise, the King made him an important person in the Whatsawhosits government. Still, Danny jumped rope three times a day, and eventually it began to catch on. Other Whatsawhosits people began to jump rope. This disturbed some of the other people in the government who didn't like Danny and his jump rope.

The three chief nutritionists, who were also environmental extremists and liberal hippy whackos, began to scheme. They planned a way to kill Danny, but since he was so popular, they knew it was impossible without making him look bad to King Nikenbacher. So, the three liberal hippies went to King Nikenbacher.

"Oh great King of the Whatsawhosits," said Sucrose, the chiefest liberal hippy, "you shall live forever, most healthiness."

"Oh great King of the Whatsawhosits," said Glucose, the cheifer liberal hippy, "who has triumphed over lesser nations like the Mosquitobites and the Megabytes, you shall reign gloriously, oh greatest of dieters."

"Whasawhosits leader," said Bob, the chief idiot, "dude, you like totally rock, dude."

"Oh mighty King Nikenbacher of the Whatsawhosits," said Sucrose, "since you are so great and mighty and healthy and you do not jump rope, there is no point in jumping rope."

"Many people in your mighty kingdom do this thing," said Glucose, "but they are no healthier than you, great low-carbohydrate king."

"Yeah, like, totally."

The three liberal hippies convinced King Nikenbacher to make a law.

"I, King Nikenbacher, the healthiest of dieters and the lowest carbohydrate ruler on the throne, enact the following executive order: Since I am healthy and do not jump rope, no one shall jump rope."

"Agreed, most wise and healthy king," said Sucrose.

"Your mind is healthy and strong, mighty lord," said Glucose.

"Totally."

"Let us give my people an alternative to jump roping," King Nikenbacher said. "Let them instead of jumping rope, throw spinach leaves in random directions. Let them do this for thirty days, and we shall see how healthy they are."

"You are most brilliant, oh mighty King of the Whatsawhosits," said Sucrose.

"What a stunning intellect, great Lord of all Low-carb lifestyles!" said Glucose.

"Whoa."

"But mighty healthful King, what if someone disobeys?" asked Sucrose.

"Yes, oh intelligent one of high-energy-ness," wailed Glucose, "surely not everyone will obey your most wise and healthful law?"

"Yeah, like some bugger's bound to wipe out."

"True, true," said King Nikenbacher. "In such a case that one of my subjects disobeys my most healthy command, they shall be tossed into the pit of the Munchkins of Doom."

"Wonderful!" exclaimed Sucrose.

"Brilliant!" rejoiced Glucose.

"Like, freaky," said Bob.

So King Nikenbacher signed the law, and all the peoples of the great Whatsawhosits Empire stopped jumping rope and began to throw spinach leaves in random directions. All the people, except one, that is.

Danny kept jumping rope.

The three liberal hippies rejoiced when they saw him, and they confronted him.

"You, oh disobedient sluggard of jump roping," shouted Sucrose, "you have not listened to the healthy king's most wise law!"

"You shall be punished for your unlawfulness and your rule-breaking, jump-roping, folly!" cried Glucose.

"Dude," said Bob, "you're like totally munchkinized."

But Danny didn't listen to them. He kept jumping rope, even as spinach leaves fell around him.

King Nikenbacher was greatly distressed at the news. He realized that the three liberal hippies had deceived him. But as the king, he knew he could not disobey the law.

So, the three liberal hippies, grabbed Danny and cast him into the pit of the Munchkins of Doom.

> > _We represent the Lollipop Guild, The Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild_
>> 
>> _And in the name of the Lollipop Guild, We wish to welcome you to Munchkinland_
>> 
>> _We welcome you to Munchkinland!_

While Danny was in the pit of the Munchkins, he jumped rope, trying not to listen to the strange, beguiling tunes of the Munchkins. Suddenly, the noise all stopped, and the Lord of all Jump Ropes appeared.

"Danny," he said, "you have done a great thing by continuing to jump rope even when you were told not to. You shall have increased metabolism for all of your days. But I shall protect you from the Munchkins."

When the next morning came, King Nikenbacher scrambled out to the Munchkin's pit.

"Danny!" he cried. "Are you yet alive?"

"Yes, great King of the Whatsawhosits! The Lord of All Jump Ropes protected me from the Munchkins."

King Nikenbacher pulled him out of the Munchkin Pit and hugged him.

"I see now that my chief advisors deceived me," said the king. "You were right, and you are more healthy than I. Besides, throwing spinach leaves in random directions is a boring way to pass the time. Teach me how to jump rope."

So Danny taught King Nikenbacher how to jump rope, and the three liberal hippies were thrown into the pit of the Munchkins of Doom. But since they didn't jump rope, the Lord of All Jump Ropes could not protect them, and they soon became Munchkins themselves.

"Woe is me!" sobbed Sucrose. "My blood sugar!"

"Alas!" cried Glucose. "My cholesterol!"

"Dude!" said Bob. "Like totally bummed out!"

> > _We represent the Lollipop Guild, The Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild_
>> 
>> _And in the name of the Lollipop Guild, We wish to welcome you to Munchkinland_
>> 
>> _We welcome you to Munchkinland!_

So, the whole kingdom learned to jump rope, and the reign of King Nikenbacher was the healthiest of all the history of the Whatsawhosits.


End file.
